When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Woke up backwards on a recliner
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
