I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
