Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
