I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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