I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
