1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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