so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
