How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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