i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
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