Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
