and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
