Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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