Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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