You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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