Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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