Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
