She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
