mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
