Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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