Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
