God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
