It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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