shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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