STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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