How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
