you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
