i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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