I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize
