I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
