Well douche your snatch and let's go!
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
