so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
