i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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