i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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