Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
my poor anus
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
