Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize