Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
