i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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