He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
