By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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