is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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