I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
