woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
