Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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