absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
