Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
