this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
the night ended with taco bell and tears
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
