That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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