No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
