my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
