My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
