i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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