sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
