i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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