"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I've blown a few things in my day
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
