We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
