I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
