I puked a lego.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
