oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
We need to get me chipped asap
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
