Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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