Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Come share oat with me in your robe
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize