The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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