I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
