Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
