You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize