Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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