Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
