There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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