how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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