It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
