To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
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