Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize