first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
