So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
