I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
