I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
