Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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