you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
